The Track of Love vs Fear

The last three years of my life have been, tumultuous to put it mildly. If we want to go really deep, we could say that the past six years really put me through the ringer. Now in these times of Covid-19 (Novela Coronavirus) it feels like the outside world is finally reflecting what’s been going on inside me.

Some of the things that I have been doing a lot of is thinking, meditating, reflecting on my actions, thoughts and words. My relationships with people, my relationship with myself, my relationship with God/Creator/Universe. I am constantly working to improve myself, because I know the track that my life saturated itself has been the Track of Fear, not the Track of Love. 

If you don’t know these expressions, I am pulling them from a chapter in The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am able to take a step back and look at how I’ve related to people and notice that, “Damn! So many things I do, have been out of fear - not real love!” It’s insane. I don’t like being afraid. I believe fear is a construct that tortures us and restricts us from living our lives to the fullest. I also am constantly preaching to live a life outside of fear. I guess it’s time for me to revise my own thoughts.

The dichotomy is I realize that I struggle with toeing that line and for quite some time now. One of the things I understood from having read the book for maybe the fourth or fifth time, is that if I’m in a place of love, there is no room for control, judgement or expectations. As much as it is hard to admit, I see how my fear “disguised” as love penetrated friendships and relationships. 

I have never been so disappointed in myself as when I held up that mirror to myself and saw myself for who I truly am. Now what? Now, I have a choice to make. I can keep moving forward in fear, or I can move forward in love. The truth is, it’s all a choice. More importantly, it’s a choice you must make every single day. 

Choose love.

Thank you for reading
See you on the other side
The Jamhaitanadian